I have two brothers-in-law who have decided to personally boycott Hollywood. One has not seen a film in the theaters (or even rented one) in over two years now. Kudos to him for his willpower; Night at the Museum just looked too dang good. But back to the topic at hand.I respect their decisions. For a while, I felt I should follow suit, for two reasons: first, Hollywood's elite are basically ultra-liberal idiots with a penchant for expressing their ultra-liberal opinions, utilizing their own fame to make certain they're heard, and then protesting the public's involvement in their lives. Second, Hollywood puts out a lot of crap. The fact that it's crap on film makes no difference to me...crap on film, in print, or on the airwaves is still crap.
So the question is this: Are we as a People responsible for letting Hollywood know how disgusted we are with their stars and their pictures? Perhaps. But let's explore this a bit further before we solve the Hollywood problem. (Unfortunately, the solution cannot involve shutting up the stars or removing the crap from the strands of 35mm film, so we'll have to accept that the solution to the Hollywood problem is to boycott, or not to boycott, if either of those can be considered a solution.)
Let's address the problem of Hollywood's liberal idiots. Why do we give these schmucks the time of day? Seriously...what are their credentials? Have they served in public office? Do they have doctorates in Poly Sci? Arnie I'll listen to, and if Ronald were still around, I'd be all ears. BUT...Sean? Alec? Susan? Tim? Ben? You listening? Good. We don't give a good gosh darn about your opinions! Not a single flying fart! Are you getting me here? You are not important. Your opinions hold no water with me. You are my court jesters; you live to entertain me, and when I cease to be entertained, your pay will be directly affected. Cease your ranting and go act in something, because you're boring me with that liberal dribble spilling from your pie holes. SHUT IT! Enough said.
And now the problem of Hollywood's crap: Johnny Depp stars in Blow. ALL ABOUT DRUGS and the people who sell them. Pardon me while I wipe the tear from my eye. Right. Five minutes on cable television was all I needed to see to know that I will never be able to relate to the topic of that film, and never want to relate to it...or even witness it to extend my understanding. Does that make me intolerant of the poor, poor drug dealers in the world? DARN RIGHT IT DOES. Why are they trying to teach me to pity Death's salespeople? And then there's Brokeback Mountain: a film about gays deceiving everyone they love, destroying their own families, blaming their misery on others' intollerance, Gyllenhaal picking up a gay prostitute in Mexico, and finally getting snuffed by a bunch of "White Anglo-Saxon Protestants", his old coat kept and wept over by Ledger. Why do we want to see that? Why, please tell me, why was this nominated for an Academy? Because it was gritty? Have we no better criteria than GRIT? Finally, another case-in-point: Sundance Film Festival's inclusion of "Hounddog," (see picture above) a film starring sweet little Dakota Fanning...being raped (albeit relatively off-camera) as a supposed nine year-old by a twenty year-old. Yes, the scene is overly-hyped...or is it? According to Sundance, the film then never comments on the rape. It is never discovered by the character's parents, never brought to light, never punished. It just messes the poor kid up and she turns to the music of Elvis to make her feel better. This was put into production WHY? Fanning's parents permitted her as a twelve year-old to feign on-screen rape WHY? An audience would want to run out and see this movie WHY? Dear God, Hollywood! Can we not go back to the days of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" with our script-writing? Not duplicate the suspense of "Wait Until Dark" without the sick images? Not teach tolerance without thumbing through the skeleton suits in the ever-touted Gay Closet? You know why "Crash" won the award, Hollywood? Because it was beautiful, poignant, and in your face...without beating your face against the liberal poster on the brick wall. A little more responsibility for your art would be nice.
But that's like asking Hussein to take responsibility for genocide...ain't gonna happen. So where does that leave us? Do we boycott Hollywood? Not necessarily. My brothers-in-law can do as they please, and still I respect their opinions...but I'm still going to go the movies. I'm still going to fork over $10 to see Harry Potter work his magic, keep my subscription to Netflix, and run to the local Video Express for the occasional new release. Why? That's my solution: watch what I want to watch, let the court jesters entertain me, fork over my cash ONLY when I deem a film worth forking for, skip watching and shake my head at "Hounddog" and send a disheartened and disappointed fan note to Miss Fanning, (yes, I really did!) and roll my eyes when next Alec Baldwin appears on my television set to offer his opinion on the next Presidential Candidate because really...who cares what Hunt for Red October's Jack Ryan has to say about the next leader of the free world? Get off my TV and back on the big screen to divert my attention for the next 90 minutes, you schmuck.
Boycott Hollywood entirely...or not, and be selective instead. Up to you. Just realize that the stars won't shut up and the movies will continue to contain crap. Problem solved.
Mommy
