Problem: We aren't as smart as 5th Graders

Jeff Foxworthy's new gameshow premiered this evening, and it is sure to become a hit because it does what we Americans do best: make fun of our shortcomings. But this, my fellow Americans, is not always a positive attribute. Allow me to point out the problem.

Dear Europe,

It's official: the average American can't keep up with a 10 year-old. We don't know anything about our country's history, though we're constantly arguing that we are the best and most forward-thinking around, thanks to our history. We can't construct a proper sentence, to say nothing of our understanding of how that sentence is formed, ie. "What is a pronoun?" -- "Um, uh...I know this one." We are an embarrassment to our predecessors, and whether or not you like to admit it, those of us who are Anglo-Saxons originated primarily from you. But don't worry about us. 20 years from now Sweden will be a super-power and the United States will be a third world country. Just look at our educational system!...but that's another topic.

Dear Mexico,

Don't bother sending us any more illegals. Our educational system is no better than yours, and our adults can't keep up with your 10 year-olds, either. You'll have a better life if you stick it out down there, because we'll be trailing you by 2030.

Dear Japan,

No need to write you a letter. As evidenced by Mr. Foxworthy's show, you haven't had anything to worry about since, what, 1945? While we were busy having our elite send people to the moon, you were busy having your elite drive your youth to excel, and now they have obviously surpassed us to a point that has you so far beyond us, we cannot even comprehend it; if we could, we'd be too embarrassed to fly the flag...not that anyone knows what the stars and stripes mean, anyway, unless, of course, you ask a 10 year-old.

So do I really NEED to point out the problem here? Not only are we a bunch of fools so behind in our adult eduction and so unmotivated in its pursuit that our 10 year-olds best us in all things intellectual, we throw it up on our televisions screens for all the world to see just how pathetic we are, and then we LAUGH about it. We laugh hysterically while the rest of the world shakes their heads at our unbelievable stupidity, then nods at its predictability, then shrugs, because they've known all along that America has been happily and obliviously flushing itself down the toilet for years now. And once again, we have the audacity to wonder why so many people worldwide hate Americans. I don't condone their hatred, but when a Swede sees a 40-something American unable to define "pronoun" and they themselves know the meaning of the word in English, you can imagine their frustration at the United States' position in world politics. And honestly, I'm as baffled as they are.

So, here's the solution: (This is a two-parter, so bear with me...)

1. Complain to your network television stations. I love Jeff Foxworthy, don't get me wrong, those rednecks are really funny...but the concept of the show is both insulting and inappropriate, given the relations we currently have with so many other countries. Ask Fox to remove the show from programming.

2. Up your own motivation, and encourage your family and friends to do the same. If we can't keep up with our kids, we're in serious trouble, and if we WON'T keep up with our kids, not only will our country suffer because of us, we're setting such a terrible example that our country will suffer because of our kids, too. You're never too old to learn new tricks, or at least to brush up on old ones. Let your children see your desire to learn and to excel, and Lord willing, it'll trickle down and water the blooms that are our weed-choked children.

Unfortunately, part 2 will take a while and a lot of determination, but there really are no easy fixes, are there? Start with 1, and take 2 to heart. I will.

Problem solved.

Mommy

Preventing vs. Terminating a Pregnancy

It's official: it is now easier to end a pregnancy than to prevent one. My younger sister was at the pharmacy yesterday picking up her birth control prescription when she noticed a sign near to the pharmacy window. It stated that only women age 18 or older with a valid California ID would be able to purchase the "Morning After" pill. My sister paused for a moment to consider what the sign was actually saying, and then asked the pharmacist if it was true: could an 18 year-old girl enter the store, approach the pharmacist, provide their driver's license, lay down their money, and receive the pill without a prescription? The answer was a solid "yes." Mind you, in order to attain the birth control my married sister was picking up, she had to have seen a doctor and been giving a prescription. Not so with the abortion pill.

And let's be frank, here..."Morning After" pill is just a cutesy name for a drug that causes you to miscarry the newly-formed fetus in your womb, making it effectively an "Abortion Pill". Tactless? Perhaps. Honest? Definitely. And about time.

So any 18 year-old with a vagina (or teenager who has an 18 year-old friend willing to make the purchase for her) who opts to share it with one of the male species in an irresponsible fashion (we can discuss the fornication later) can "make up" for her mistake by handing two $20 bills to a pharmacist to terminate the new, unsuspecting, eager life within her.

Yes, folks, $40. The cost of an over-the-counter abortion these days. Women's rights advocates everywhere are thrilled: a woman can finally terminate a pregnancy on her own terms. Those same advocates are shaking their heads at my reference to the term "eager life", stating that a fetus is not a human being and cannot be considered one. BRIEF INSERTION: How quickly does a fetus grow and develop? How long does it take for an egg and sperm to develop into a fully-fledged, functioning human being? Not long at all, of course, which leads us to believe that that life is desperate to make it out into the world, so eager that the grow at what outside the womb would be an alarming rate. Interestingly enough, too, a newborn will fight for life like crazy; flail its arms and struggle desperately to come out from under a blanket to breathe, cough and choke and vomit its own lungs clear of fluid, sleep when overly-hungry to shut down their own discomfort...babies are eager creatures when it comes to living, and no less so because they are still in-utero and no bigger than a postage stamp. Women's advocates would argue otherwise, but those of us with any decency and even the most remote respect for life should cringe at the thought that that eager little spirit, willing to undergo massive growth in a comparitively miniscule amount of time, could have its mortal body wiped from the face of the planet by a selfish teen with $40 to spend.

So what do we do? How can we prevent such a pill from being available to anyone with a government-issued ID and a measly sum of money? Please, email your senators, your state House reps, your governor, the White House, the drug companies...anyone you can think of who might be responsible for having made this poor decision. Ask that the drugs only be available to those with a prescription. It won't prevent women from using it, of course, but it WILL make it more difficult to attain.

Your senators can be found here: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm
Your House Rep here: http://www.house.gov/writerep/
Your Governor here: http://www.lib.umich.edu/govdocs/govemail.html
The White House here: http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/
Pharm co's here: http://www.barrlabs.com/contact.php

Please be part of the solution. I'm sending my emails now. Problem solved. (Or...nearly.)

Mommy

**Added 2/20: All above-listed organizations and individuals have now received my emails.**

Problem: The Self-Absorption of the American People

I was on the way to my folks' the other day, and ended up behind the largest SUV I've ever seen while sitting at a stoplight. There I was in my teeny little Civic, hoping to be able to see the light turn green through the Escalade's windshield, when my brain finally registered the bumper stickers on the car in front of me.

First, a disclaimer: This country is great because we have the freedom to speak our minds, however empty they may be, or however stupid the thoughts that flow from them. That said, perhaps we should be a bit more aware of how we appear to other people and instead of claiming not to care what others think, attempt to better our images...and even ourselves.

So the first bumper sticker I see is as follows: “Some days all I want to be is a missing person.” I think to myself, Dear Lord, please don't let that person be a parent, because as much as I sometimes feel that way, for the sake of my children who love me and would be devastated if they knew I felt that way, I don't say it. And I hope the individual in front of my had no one to devastate with that comment. Also, if this individual was having that much trouble dealing with life, why on earth would they want to share that with the general populace? Sympathy? Empathy? And what a terribly self-absorbed sentiment; this individual wants nothing more on certain days that to abdicate responsibility to those around him or her. Charming.

Perhaps you have seen the offense little anime bunny with all the awful things to say. If you haven't, congrats on escaping it, but if you have, you'll know the image that decorated bumper stickers two and three. Bumper sticker number two: “Let’s focus on me.” Wow, if the first sticker didn't point out how self-absorbed this individual is, this sticker just plain states it. Pardon me while I scrunch me nose and sigh with disgust. The only people I know with this attitude that I choose to spend time with are my two year-old and nine week-old, the nine week-old because she doesn't know better, and the two year-old because, well, he's two. But you have to be at least 16 to get a driver's license, so...where's this person's excuse?

The third bumper sticker was even better...or not, as it were: “I’m not spoiled. I deserve all my stuff.” Really? According to the Cadillac website, the 2007 Escalade STARTS at $55,400. You DESERVE a $55,000 dollar vehicle? On what grounds? What does a person have to do to deserve such a vehicle? Raise two children to adulthood with a set of values and a love of education? Send ten hardened criminals to jail for life? Donate the balance of their income to the American Red Cross? Serve a five-year term with the Merchant Marines? Sacrifice a loved one to war? What merits DESERVING a ridiculously expensive vehicle? The fact that one makes enough money to afford it? It boggles my mind that the individual in possession of such a bumper sticker is not embarrassed to be so. Worse than that, I am embarrassed for this person. Horribly so.

The last bumper sticker was the most priceless. Ready for it? You won't be. It was this: "God Bless America." Indeed. But in combination with the three other stickers, it exhibited a far different message than the customary meaning of "God Bless America." Instead, it infered that America was worth blessing because the person in the car in front of me was allowed to be a self-absorbed schmuck.

The problem is clear. The solution is even moreso. We as Americans need to focus less on ourselves and more on those around us. We need to be willing to serve, to sacrifice, and to silence our inner complaints before they escape from our mouths. My great grandparents didn't have the luxury of analysis, or the time to complain...they were too busy caring for their families and supporting one another to worry about themselves. What is wrong with us? We may not be able to fix others where this problem is concerned, but we can contribute to society our own beings...adjusted to be less self-absorbed, and more family-and-community oriented. This solution is individual and internal, but every bit as important to solving the world's problems as ending pollution or ridding the world of dictators. After all, don't we have things like pollution and dictators because of extreme self-absorption? Fix yourselves, and set an example for others. It's difficult and it sucks and it requires constant vigilence and course corrections, but it's so much more worth it and looks so much better than driving an Escalade with a "Let's Focus On Me" bunny sticker. Problem solved.

Mommy

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Release

As a Christmas gift to her fans, J. K. Rowling released the title of her new and final book in the seven-book Harry Potter series: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Only a month or two before, Warner Brothers announced the upcoming release date of the fifth Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Now, only a few days ago, Scholastic Books announced the upcoming release date of Deathly Hallows. The movie comes out July 13th this year, and on the 21st, one week later, Deathly Hallows hits book shelves.

After each of these announcements, rabid Christians everywhere went wild. It seems they came out of the woodwork to decry Harry Potter once again, and to persuade the millions upon millions of readers to abstain from viewing yet another film or purchasing yet another book, this final book with an admittedly dark title. "Harry Potter is evil," they scream, clutching the crosses round their neck and praying for the fate of the twelve year-old readership. Read the "information" on the following site about Harry Potter and you'll understand their argument. http://www.crossroad.to/articles2/HP-Movie.htm

The problem, then, is not the Harry Potter series, but the Christians who would condemn J. K. Rowling to hell for her imagination. As a Christian myself, I am left constantly to wonder WHEN members of the Christian faith will cease their rantings and use gentle persuasion! We should understand better than anyone that God has granted us all with free agency -- the right to make our own decisions, good or bad -- and regardless of one Christian's opinion (Bible-based or not) that something is right or wrong, who are we to make that decision for others?

You're wondering whether or not I'm for or against Harry Potter, I can tell. Personally, I think it's a fun story, and I'm hoping that good triumphs over evil when I read my pre-ordered seventh book. I only answer the question, though, because those of my faith would harp on the issue until I "confessed my evils" before they listened. And those reading this now who are against Harry Potter have undoubtedly tuned out. But if, for just a moment, they will continue to read, keep this one idea in mind:

WHEN YOU RANT AND RAVE ABOUT A MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR BOOK AND MOVIE EMPIRE LOVED BY MILLIONS, YOU LOOK LIKE A NUT!!! Though inside the faith, many are willing to call themselves "Jesus Freaks" and evangelize their local postman, the term "Jesus Freak" to the rest of the world is NOT a compliment! Such things terrorize the very people we would hope to convert to the gospel of Jesus Christ, and send them running for the hills to escape the rabid Christians. It is such tactics that have driven the cross from our public places, not the ACLU, the atheists, and the anti-Christs. (The ACLU is indeed the devil, but we'll address that as a seperate problem.) WE SCARE THE GENERAL PUBLIC. That's the problem. And Christians are often so in-your-face about it that those not of our beliefs feel a need to silence us for fear of having to listen!

The solution is simple: should you choose not to enjoy Harry Potter, FINE, more power to you in utilizing your free agency, but if you wish to encourage others to abstain, please do so using gentle persuasion. With the exception of overturning the money-changers' tables and driving the animals from the temple mount, (which was a necessary display of the passion of God in cleansing His own house, the sacred edifice of the temple,) Christ led by example and with gentle loving kindness. So, that covers the rabid Christians. For you not-so-rabid Christians who DO read, and for those of you who are not Christians but enjoy his Potterness, please, try not to be so easily offended. Whether you like it or not, or understand it or not, the up-in-your-face believers truly only wish to protect you from what they perceive to be unwholesome. They may not know the best way to go about trying to "save your mortal soul," but cut them some slack; unless they're televangelists, they really are sincere. Problem solved.

Mommy

To Boycott or Not: Hollywood

I have two brothers-in-law who have decided to personally boycott Hollywood. One has not seen a film in the theaters (or even rented one) in over two years now. Kudos to him for his willpower; Night at the Museum just looked too dang good. But back to the topic at hand.

I respect their decisions. For a while, I felt I should follow suit, for two reasons: first, Hollywood's elite are basically ultra-liberal idiots with a penchant for expressing their ultra-liberal opinions, utilizing their own fame to make certain they're heard, and then protesting the public's involvement in their lives. Second, Hollywood puts out a lot of crap. The fact that it's crap on film makes no difference to me...crap on film, in print, or on the airwaves is still crap.

So the question is this: Are we as a People responsible for letting Hollywood know how disgusted we are with their stars and their pictures? Perhaps. But let's explore this a bit further before we solve the Hollywood problem. (Unfortunately, the solution cannot involve shutting up the stars or removing the crap from the strands of 35mm film, so we'll have to accept that the solution to the Hollywood problem is to boycott, or not to boycott, if either of those can be considered a solution.)

Let's address the problem of Hollywood's liberal idiots. Why do we give these schmucks the time of day? Seriously...what are their credentials? Have they served in public office? Do they have doctorates in Poly Sci? Arnie I'll listen to, and if Ronald were still around, I'd be all ears. BUT...Sean? Alec? Susan? Tim? Ben? You listening? Good. We don't give a good gosh darn about your opinions! Not a single flying fart! Are you getting me here? You are not important. Your opinions hold no water with me. You are my court jesters; you live to entertain me, and when I cease to be entertained, your pay will be directly affected. Cease your ranting and go act in something, because you're boring me with that liberal dribble spilling from your pie holes. SHUT IT! Enough said.

And now the problem of Hollywood's crap: Johnny Depp stars in Blow. ALL ABOUT DRUGS and the people who sell them. Pardon me while I wipe the tear from my eye. Right. Five minutes on cable television was all I needed to see to know that I will never be able to relate to the topic of that film, and never want to relate to it...or even witness it to extend my understanding. Does that make me intolerant of the poor, poor drug dealers in the world? DARN RIGHT IT DOES. Why are they trying to teach me to pity Death's salespeople? And then there's Brokeback Mountain: a film about gays deceiving everyone they love, destroying their own families, blaming their misery on others' intollerance, Gyllenhaal picking up a gay prostitute in Mexico, and finally getting snuffed by a bunch of "White Anglo-Saxon Protestants", his old coat kept and wept over by Ledger. Why do we want to see that? Why, please tell me, why was this nominated for an Academy? Because it was gritty? Have we no better criteria than GRIT? Finally, another case-in-point: Sundance Film Festival's inclusion of "Hounddog," (see picture above) a film starring sweet little Dakota Fanning...being raped (albeit relatively off-camera) as a supposed nine year-old by a twenty year-old. Yes, the scene is overly-hyped...or is it? According to Sundance, the film then never comments on the rape. It is never discovered by the character's parents, never brought to light, never punished. It just messes the poor kid up and she turns to the music of Elvis to make her feel better. This was put into production WHY? Fanning's parents permitted her as a twelve year-old to feign on-screen rape WHY? An audience would want to run out and see this movie WHY? Dear God, Hollywood! Can we not go back to the days of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" with our script-writing? Not duplicate the suspense of "Wait Until Dark" without the sick images? Not teach tolerance without thumbing through the skeleton suits in the ever-touted Gay Closet? You know why "Crash" won the award, Hollywood? Because it was beautiful, poignant, and in your face...without beating your face against the liberal poster on the brick wall. A little more responsibility for your art would be nice.

But that's like asking Hussein to take responsibility for genocide...ain't gonna happen. So where does that leave us? Do we boycott Hollywood? Not necessarily. My brothers-in-law can do as they please, and still I respect their opinions...but I'm still going to go the movies. I'm still going to fork over $10 to see Harry Potter work his magic, keep my subscription to Netflix, and run to the local Video Express for the occasional new release. Why? That's my solution: watch what I want to watch, let the court jesters entertain me, fork over my cash ONLY when I deem a film worth forking for, skip watching and shake my head at "Hounddog" and send a disheartened and disappointed fan note to Miss Fanning, (yes, I really did!) and roll my eyes when next Alec Baldwin appears on my television set to offer his opinion on the next Presidential Candidate because really...who cares what Hunt for Red October's Jack Ryan has to say about the next leader of the free world? Get off my TV and back on the big screen to divert my attention for the next 90 minutes, you schmuck.

Boycott Hollywood entirely...or not, and be selective instead. Up to you. Just realize that the stars won't shut up and the movies will continue to contain crap. Problem solved.

Mommy

Solving the World's Problems...

So, here I am...a stay-at-home Mom, (also known as a housewife, homemaker, soap-watching-bon-bon-eater,) and I've been thinking...Republicans rule the airwaves, but Democrats are taking over the Blog scene. It's time to change that.

Now, I'm not a die-hard Republican by any stretch, but as a stay-at-home Mom, I'm certainly a traditionalist, and a conservative one, at that. Born and bred a Christian, I have two small children and a strong set of values to pass on to them. And I'd also like to hand over to my children a world without fear, without crime, without pollution, without poverty...and though the liberals would claim that that makes me one of them, I can't think of a Republican (or, in my case, registered Republican for voting's sake but actual Independant) Mommy alive who doesn't want all those same things for her children, whether it takes war or politics to get that world.
But we are hindered. We cannot currently give that world to our children, and unless things change -- drastically -- we will not be able to give that world to our children in the future. What hinders us? The list is endless...

Poor education in our schools -- illegal immigrants' drain on our social security -- so many "Americans' " refusal to learn and use English -- terrorism, gangs, dictatorships, and other groups and individuals who use hatred, fear, and death as a means to their sick ends -- recidivist criminals back on the streets after a hiccough in prision -- racism, and our refusal to accept that minorities can be as racist or moreso than the majority, as well as the related fear had by the majority that they will be viewed as racist -- the lack of available health care to the masses -- the backlog of cases in our courts, and amount paid to a lawyer determining the trial's outcome -- the lack of motivation and respect exhibited by the upcoming generation...

The list goes on, and I, personally, am terrified. So it's time to address each of these problems and offer non-partisan solutions...but those solutions must be replete with VALUES...the values held by responsible, concerned Americans who respect our country, our flag, and our God, or at least our right to believe or not to believe in Him.

Here I'll be hashing out solutions and letting them be torn down once more by you, the reader, so often wiser than I with perhaps a different background, different experiences, and better ideas. I'll be re-working those ideas and submitting them to you once again for approval. Finally, I'll be submitting our solutions to those in authority to act -- city councils, mayors, governors, state Reps, Senators, law enforcement agencies, schools and school boards, and finally, our country's figurehead himself, Mr. President (whoever it is as the solution is reached). The email and physical addresses for these folks are available, and they will be hearing from me...from us...from those who are sick of sitting by and want so much to do something.

Join me over the next few days, weeks, months...years, even...as we devise real, workable, cost-effect solutions to our problems, city, state, region, country, and world-wide. I look forward to your input, and to getting to know you.

Mommy