Problem: Abortions as Birth Control

A neighbor in my apartment complex caught me on the way to my car last night, my kids in tow. She asked after my now-three-month-old, and then confessed that she herself was 8 weeks pregnant. I immediately went to congratulate her, but she turned down my congrats, explaining that the father had a 15 year-old and wanted no more children, and that her 3 year-old's father (her ex-husband) helped with the 3 year-old, but she'd have no support mothering the new baby. I interjected that adoption would be a worthwhile option, and she agreed that it indeed might be an option, but was thinking that it might be easier to terminate the pregnancy.

I was broken-hearted. We have some close friends who've been trying for the last 3 years to have a baby with no luck...friends when we lived out-of-state who adopted for the same reason. To intentionally destroy a perfectly viable fetus with a high probability of surviving to infancy is unthinkable to me, on behalf of my friends, and for another reason altogether.

My husband and I talked about the situation last night, and he encouraged me to direct her to a group called LDSFamilyServices, a religious organization headed by the Mormons that assists in matching newborns to stable two-parent families. He also put forth the following rant, and the second reason that the abortion of this woman's fetus is reprehensible:

We hear every day about fathers who refuse to fulfill their duty to their children. They fall behind on or refuse to pay their child support, they have nothing to do with the child but will not relinquish their rights so that a more responsible man might adopt the child, they neglect, or worse, abuse their children, or generally just refuse to take responsibility for their seed. People are up in arms, calling for these men to be just that: MEN. "Take responsibility for your child!" they shout. "Help to raise your baby!" yell chant. "Pay your child support!" they demand.

And have every right to do so and say so. It is imperative that a child receive any and all due love, affection, and support from their father.

But do we ever say to a woman who has discovered she is pregnant and is considering abortion, "Take responsibility for your actions! Bring this baby into the world so that it can be raised by competent, loving, and unfortunately barren parents! Be a WOMAN and do the right thing!" Never.

Is the emotional state of a woman so fragile that to demand that she take responsibility for her neglecting to use birth control would injure her irreparably? I've been pregnant twice; I'm the first to admit that a pregnant woman's emotions are off the charts. However, it seems to me that she would BENEFIT from taking responsibility and be far more affected knowing for the rest of her days that she disposed of a perfectly healthy, growing fetus.

There are those who argue that teenagers are too young to be able to handle the demands of pregnancy, and further of giving up their own flesh and blood. Others would argue that abortion must be an option, even if only for cases of rape and incest. Finally others state that a woman has a right to choose and therefore abortions must be available. Allow me to address these three arguments: (Warning: This is quite candid...) If a teenage girl is old enough to spread her legs for a lover, she is old enough to take responsibility for the outcome of that action. If a woman is raped or involved in a forced incestuous relationship, she is not at fault and has nothing for which to take responsibility...however, it might do more to sooth the individual after such an awful occurence to know that they did not, then, terminate the new life within them -- the beauty in the murk -- the child who could still enjoy a happy life within a happy, devoted family who would think nothing of how the child came to be; only that they love and adore the child and are glad to be able to include the child in their family. Still, I could not demand that she take responsibility, as she did not act. And as for having the choice, fine. Abortion is a necessary evil for cases such as rape and incest and must be available, and in our world of fair and unfair instead of right and wrong, it will always exist as an option for those who refuse to take responsibility...but it is WRONG, and it's a sick and horrific quick-fix for those who do not wish to be responsible until AFTER the fact.

So the problem is clear: women who abort their babies do not and are not encouraged to take responsibility for their actions. The solution, then, is equally simple: pregnant women considering abortion should be encouraged to do the right thing, which is simply to take responsibility for their decision to have sex, whether they used protection or not. (If you're having sex, you risk pregnancy and disease. That's the way of things.)

Do you know someone who is pregnant and alone? Tell them to be women and take responsibility. Are you pregnant, scared, and considering abortion as an option? Be a woman. Have the baby you created. You don't have to keep it...in fact, it might be better if you gave it up to a loving, stable two-parent family. But don't look for a quick fix for your "problem." You chose the path on which you walk; now be responsible for your decision.

Finally, go to www.itsaboutlove.org to visit the LDS Family Services program for more information, or even, as a woman looking to give up a child to the family of her choice, to perform a search for eager couples with and without children who are looking desperately to adopt. There are some intensely heart-warming stories there, and some wonderful options for adoptive parents that the mother herself can choose. And then choose the right: have the baby.

Problem solved.
Mommy